It’s that time of year again boys and girls: The MTV Video Music Awards are on tonight. This year the event will be hosted by America’s sweetheart, Miley Cyrus. So if you’re planning on tuning tonight, please stay 10 feet away from your television. Or better yet, get a hazmat suit as quick as you can. You never know what you might catch.
As for me, I don’t plan to watch the show this evening. I’d rather watch something good on Netflix or Amazon Prime. But since MTV is still giving out awards for something they don’t air anymore, I figured its time to bring you our third annual TNU Video Music Awards! Live-ish from Hollywood, this year’s TNU VMA’s are hosted by music superstar MC Hammer. Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em!
Before the show kicks off, here is something to remember: I don’t listen to current music so most of the music videos listed here are old. Well, most of them anyways. And away we go…
Winner of “It doesn’t matter what she’s saying” award:
Thalia – Amar Sin Ser Amada
Be honest guys” even if you don’t speak or understand Spanish, do you really care?
Winner of the “Kids, this is your brain on drugs” award:
The 5th Dimension Age of Aquarius
Them’s so freaking visuals right there! The first time I watched this video years ago, I thought they were floating on a bar of soap.
Winner of the “I have no clue what is going on” award:
George Lucas called, and he’s got a lawsuit for you. Now, the song is a decent enough 1980’s song, but the video is more creepy than anything.
But its nice to see that Jawa traders are getting gigs as backup singers.
Winner of “We couldn’t afford the whole damn robot” award:
El DeBarge – Who’s Johnny
The only reason the movie “Short Circuit” was any good, was because the robot Johnny Five was funny. So it would make sense to use Johnny Five in the video for the movie’s theme song. But instead, we got his hand.
I guess they blew the budget on the catering.
Winner of the “Sure to give you nightmares” award:
Everclear – AM Radio
The sad thing is, this Everclear video has better special effects than the new “Fantastic Four” movie.
Winner of the “You’re invading my personal space” award:
Clarence Clemons & Jackson Browne – You’re A Friend Of Mine
I get that they’re friends, but another 6-10 inches of space between them wouldn’t hurt either one. And what the hell is Daryl Hannah there? And I guess she couldn’t find a bigger camera.
Winner of the “Celebrity cameo” award:
Annie Lennox – Walking on Broken Glass
This video did not win due to John Malkovich. It won, because the other guy in the video is non other than Hugh Laurie.
Winner of the “Best make up and hair” award:
Europe – The Final Countdown
It’s scary to think about now, but it was only thirty years ago when the music scene was dominated by hair bands.