With 2015 coming to an end, I told you about My Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2015 earlier this week. Now However, its time to take a moment to reflect on the films that today I wonder what made me watch them in the first place. I’m of course referring to My 5 Worst Movies of 2015.
Before we get to my list I should note that there were plenty of bad movies I did not see. So don’t be surprised if “Pixels” and other flops are not listed here.
Anyways, the stinkers I did see don’t need much of an introduction, so let’s get started, shall we? Here are my top five, or bottom five if you prefer:
5. Fifty Shades of Grey
Before you judge me, hear me out: A couple of weeks ago I was fighting off a severe case of the flu. I didn’t sleep much for several days, but one night I nodded off with HBO still on.
When I woke up some time later, “Fifty Shades of Grey” was on. Of course I didn’t know it was “Fifty Shades of Grey” at the time. In my cold meds fueled confusion, I simply wondered why this guy was whipping this poor girl’s behind.
For the record: I did not see the whole movie, I don’t think I could. Not because the sex stuff bothers me, but because what little I saw of the acting, made me vomit.
Or maybe it was the cold meds?
4. Jupiter Ascending
I really wanted to like “Jupiter Ascending,” really I did. I enjoy a good original sci-fi movie as much as the next guy. But the story of a toilet-scrubbing Chicago maid (Mila Kunis) who is actually the chosen one to save mankind, was just awful.
Then there’s Channing Tatum as Caine, an interplanetary hunter who’s half-wolf, half-human, and zips around on flying skates. Trust me, it’s even worse than it sounds. I seriously doubt these two will put this on their resumes.
3. The Boy Next Door
This utterly predictable thriller was one of the wifey’s choices, the kind you just nod your head and say you’ll watch with her.
Anyways, “The Boy Next Door” is about a smokinh hot mom (Jennifer Lopez) stalked by her high school neighbor (played by a 28-year-old Ryan Guzman). This movie is so bad, I think even Lifetime would turn it down.
For one thing, the premise has been done to death, and this movie adds nothing new to it. And two, Jennifer Lopez plays an English literature teacher. I’ll say it again: Lopes is an English literature teacher.
If that doesn’t make you laugh, then nothing will.
2. Hot Pursuit
On paper, putting Sofia Vergara and Reese Witherspoon in a comedy sounds like a genius idea. But having seen “Hot Pursuit” in theatres, I can tell you its a terrible idea to team up these two.
“Hot Pursuit” is such a disaster, that it leaves you feeling bad for everyone involved. Especially the two lead actresses. For crying out loud, Reese Witherspoon was an Oscar nominee a year ago.
And Sofia Vergara can be very funny, “Modern Family” has proven that.. But instead, the filmmakers had her play a caricature of herself.
1. Fantastic Four
For the first 30 or so minutes of “Fantastic Four” I was thinking, “This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” That’s not to say what I was watching was great, but it just wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever seen.
But, from the moment the words “One Year Later” appear onscreen, any good will the film had earned, went down the toilet. There are no words to adequately describe what a colossal disaster this movie turned out to be.
I don’t know what it is about Marvel’s first family, but nobody in the film business can get them right.