Memo to self:
Please, in the name of all that’s holy, don’t eat birthday cake after midnight.
Last night, I fell asleep before 9. This wouldn’t have been a bad thing except that I was wide awake by the time Stephen Colbert started his monologue. Since I’m one of those people who can’t just lie in bed awake, I decided to grab a midnight snack. I was craving something sweet so I ate some leftover birthday cake. This turned out to be a huge mistake.
I finally went back to bed around 1:00 this morning, a mere three hours before I usually get up. To my surprise, I fell asleep rather quick. Then I started dreaming, which is always an adventure for a couple or reasons:
A) My dreams never make sense.
B) I always remember my dreams.
Last night’s dream featured my best buddy and fellow TNU member, Laneit. In the dream Laneit was about to get married, and he was going all out for the big day. The wedding would be taking place on a small Caribbean island he rented, and in order to get all the guests to the event, Laneit charted a plane.
I clearly remember entering the airplane and seeing some mutual friends and his family. But I was also surprised to find a lot of celebrities were on board. Among the wedding guests were Tom Hanks, the Kardashians, John Goodman, and others. I made a mental note to ask Laneit how he knew all these people.
Y ended up sitting in the middle seat between Margot Robbie, (dunno why she was in the dream), and a spanish language tv host and actress named Ximena Córdoba (that’s her in the picture above). As you can imagine, I was a-okay with this sitting arrangement, and the three of us actually hit it off during the flight.
However, once we landed in Laneit’s island, everyone on the airplane was in for a rude surprise. You see, Laneit lied to us, there was no wedding at all, and that was just the beginning.
Laneit lured us to the island and was now forcing us to battle each other to the death “Battle Royale” style. The drinks we were given during the flight contained some kind of explosive that only Laneit could control.
For the next 48 hours, all the wedding guests battled it out to see which two would get to go home. I almost made it to the second day, but got taken out by a machete wielded by one Keith Richards. I stayed conscious long enough to see Margot Robbie avenge me.
Thank you Margot, I will never forget you.
That’s when my Sleep apnea kicked in and I woke up coughing. The dream was so vivid, I decided to just get up. So yeah, lesson learned. I will never again eat birthday or any other kind of cake afer midnight.