And so another fantasy football season comes to an end. Our little league has a brand new champion, and believe it or not, its this goofy bastard:
To celebrate the historic championship, Laneit has promised us free tacos.
Here’s a thought: Maybe the NFL’s flex scheduling should apply to Thursday night football too. I mean seriously, Tennessee vs. Jacksonville in week 16. Whose bright idea was that?
Ugh. Anywho, last week’s picks were good enough for a 12-4 record. This brings my season record to 154-67-1. Holy cow I’m better at this than I thought. Let’s see if I can keep the momentum going with this week’s sure to be wrong picks:
The battle between two 2-12 teams will go to the… Titans.
Eagles, and the 49ERs.
Sunday early games:
Dolphins, Ravens, Lions, Panthers, Saints, Packers, Steelers, and Patriots.
Sunday late games:
Giants, Bills, and Colts.
Sunday night football on NBCeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey:
I’m so sorry America, but I’m afraid I let you all down again. But technical its Laneit’s fault because he beat my fantasy team in the semifinals. After Sunday, Laneit’s TNU faced a 3.42-point deficit, And with Monday night’s game, Laneit pulled off a 225.78 to 209.80 comeback win.
Laneit’s bunch was led by Alex Smith, whose 46.58 points were the second-highest score this week. Laneithas been coming up strong regularly and has now won four straight, and he’s now headed to
his first ever Super Bowl.
My Tacos Al Carbon close the regular season as the number one seed with a record of 8-5. But sadly Tacos Al Carbon has gone fishin’ early, losing their first postseason contest.
In the other semifinal, Lacie’s casus04 got 37.70 points from Ben Roethlisberger and 31.28 from Andrew Luck to get the win over John’s Crusty Jugglers 177.18 to 156.26. This win makes it three in a row for Lacie versus John, including a 316.86 to 298.18 win in Week 9, the last time they met. Now Lacie faces a daunting task: A Super Bowl matchup against her brother Laneit.
As for John’s Crusty Jugglers, they finished the regular season in third place with a record of 7-6, despite ranking just fifth in the league in scoring at 213.77 points per game. In their only other postseason game of the season, Crusty Jugglers took down defending champion Dark12h8, 340.26 to 293.34. John still has a shot at third place, but he has to get through me first! BWA-HAHAHA!
And in conclusion: #GoLacieGo
We’re in the home stretch of the regular season, and there are plenty of teams still in the mix. But since we’re December, I’m sure my beloved Dallas Cowboys will Sputter to the finish line. However, I have to give them credit for getting 9 wins this year. I honestly thought at best, the Cowboys would have a 6-10 season. So kudos to them.
When it comes to picks, last week I finished with a 13-3 record. Not bad considering there were a couple of big upsets last week. For the season, my record is 142-63-1. And in other news, another one of Cam Newton’s drives ended in a turnover:
Sunday early games:
Steelers, Giants, Patriots, Chiefs, Colts, Bengals, Ravens, Packers, and Panthers.
Sunday late games:
Titans, Broncos, Lions, and Seahawks.
I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday night:
The playoffs kicked off last week with a bang! Our little league saw two huge playoff matchups: Furiated vs. Laneit, and John vs. Jim.
The latter contest wasn’t even close. Upon his command, John’s team unleashed hell, and finished any hopes Jim had of repeating as league champion 340.26 to 293.34. Poor Jim was left dazed and confused, while John is getting ready to face Lacie this week.
The battle of the bald between Furiated and Laneit was a bit closer on Sunday. At first Laneit soared to an early lead, but Furiated stormed back thanks to the late games. The match was close going into Monday night with Laneit slightly ahead.
But once the dust settled late on Monday, Laneit came out on top 260.18 to 235.04. Up next for our fearless leader is a matchup against yours truly. Meanwhile, Furiated tried to cheer himself up by riding Splash Mountain a few times.
Great googly moogly! All that turkey last week took its toll on my NFL picks. I went 7-9, making week 13 my worst week of the season and my only losing week of the year. Had the Cowboys and 49ERS shown up on Thanksgiving,
I could have had a .500 week, so screw those guys. Overall however, I’m still doing okay. To date, my season record is 129-60-1. That’s not bad, right?
Anywho, I’m hoping week 14 goes a bit better for me. And speaking of week 14, here are my sure to be wrong NFL picks:
Cowboys, but only because the Bears suck at home.
Sunday early games:
Bengals, Rams, Giants, Saints, Vikings, Ravens, Colts, Lions, and Texans.
Sunday late games:
Broncos, Cardinals, Seahawks, and 49ERS.
Meanwhile, in fantasy football land…
The playoffs are finally here! And do to a stupid pre-season mistake by your truly, we all made the postseason. The bad news is John brought my six game losing streak to an end. But I still managed to finish as the top seed in the league.
This means I get a bye this week along with Lacie who finished in the number two spot thanks to an epic butt whopping she unleashed against Furiated last week.
So this week comes down to Furiated taking on Laneit, which should be fun to watch. I’m calling it “The Battle of the Bald.” In the second game John takes on reigning champion Jim. If Jim has any chance to defend his championship, he’s gonna have to knock off John’s team who just put up 244 points.
I am a great magician!
After a horrendous start to the season, My Tacos al Carbon (7-4) team is on fire. This past week they jumped over Lacie’s casus04 (6-5) beating them 186.34 to 170.50. The win lands my team in first-place, and drops Lacie to second place. There were several reasons which led to my climb to the top:
Peyton Manning got the third-highest player point total in the league this week with 57.46 points. The 14.10 points scored by Rob Gronkowski was the highest TE score in the league this week. I left Martellus Bennett out of the starting lineup, who scored 2.90 points on the bench, fewer than the starting TE.
I also Sat Darren Sproles, who scored 5.00 points, fewer than any RB in the starting lineup. If that wasn’t enough, I even picked up the San Diego Chargers Defense, which scored 16.90 points against a projected 11.66, topping their projection by 44.9%. And finally, I distracted Ben Roethlisberger with something shiny. A simple trick, but it works every time.
My team has won a league best five games in a row, and I”m hoping the momentum continues this weekend against my arch nemesis Furiated.
What’s more likely to happen: A pig turning down slop or Laneit beating John’s Crusty Jugglers?
Laneit’sTNU are winless this season versus John, this time losing by a final score of 231.64 to 202.48. Laneit has no one to blame but himself: He left Jeremy Hill on the bench, where he scored 30.50 points and surpassed his scoring projection by 98.1%, the highest percentage of any player on the team. As you can imagine, this was a heart breaking loss for Laneit who now finds himself alone in the cellar. Luckily for him, it’s the wine cellar.
Much of the credit for John’s win goes to Aaron Rodgers who put up 46.84 points. It was about the same as his 45.96 points in the last matchup with Laneit. The Crusty Jugglers won 275.24 to 129.34 in Week 1 and again 198.18 to 190.16 in Week 6 for a 61.03-point average margin of victory over Laneit.
Jim’s Dark12h8 strutted all over the place as they put on a show in this matchup, registering the highest point total this week as they crushed Team Furiated 259.72 to 143.82. Jim made some key roster moves on the way to the win: RB Jamaal Charles had 44.80 points, the highest RB score of the week and the fifth-highest RB score in the league this season. Eveb Jay Cutler helped out, he ranked second in the league in scoring this week with 59.80 points. It was also the third-highest score of any player on Dark12h8 this season.
The win gets Jim out of last place, just below John. As luck would have it, these two go head-to-head this weekend. As for Furiated, don’t feel too bad for him. The truth is Furiated needed a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be very honest with you.
Perhaps my Tacos Al Carbon should buy Laneit’s TNU a couple drinks or something, because they clearly have their number in fantasy football. my team remains unbeaten against Laneit thanks 277.58 to 252.22 victory. Things looked bleak for me on Sunday, ad Lanei jumped to a commanding lead during the early games.
Luckily Peyton Manning put up 72.10 points and was the difference in the late games. While Marshawn Lynch scored 53.30 points, the highest RB score of the week and the second-highest RB score in the league this season. But my biggest move of the week was probably picking up the Philadelphia Eagles Defense who responded with 36.50 points.
It was a terrible weekend for Laneit all around. He blew a nearly 30 point lead going into Monday night and he later found out he failed to land the part of “Daddy” Warbucks in the touring musical “Annie.”
Defending champion Jim and his Dark12h8 team destroyed Lacie’s casus04 240.64 to 146.18 while also impressing Willie Nelson with the highest score Jim earned all season. This win was revenge for a 258.18 to 187.90 drubbing Lacie gave him in week 5.
The 54.80 points scored by Dez Bryant was the second-highest WR score in the league this week and the eighth-best point total by a WR in the league this season.Even with the win, Jim (4-6) remains mired in last place, but I don’t think he’ll be there for long.
Following a win against Jonh’s Crusty Jugglers last week, Lacie saw her scoring drop dramatically this week. Lacie left the 29.50 points scored by Mike Evans on the bench this week. He beat his projected point total by 154.5%, the 10th-highest percentage in the league.With the loss Lacie is now 6-4 but stays in first place.
This week, Matthew Stafford did the most damage, grabbing 46.60 points. Eddie Lacy put the team on his back with 33.80 points, the second-highest score among RBs in the league this week. Team Furiated won 228.18 to 192.02 in Week 5, and now has a 104.35-point average margin of victory over Crusty Jugglers.
Adding insult to injury, John got goose eggs from both Nick Foles and the Houston Texans Defense. So either A) John forgot to set his roster, or B) John has called it quits. Either way, looks like Furiated got handed another win this week.
BREAKING NEWS: Thanks to his Dark12h8 team, Jim is sitting in a dark corner, crying. This means his team either lost to my team lastw week, or Jim misplaced his beloved vintage Stretch Armstrong doll.
After getting the win the last time they met, my Tacos Al Carbon squad took it a step further and beat the socks off Jim this time around, winning 286.84 to 197.92. This week, Tom Brady did the most damage, putting up 57.22 points. Also, Rob Gronkowski had the most points of any TE in the league this week with 17.50. Even Julian Edelman had a monster week for me. Sadly Brady’s bunch are in their bye week, which forced me to make some roster moves before my upcoming game against Laneit.
As if losing wasn’t bad enough, Jim had a starter score zero points (Doug Martin), and at the TE position Jim was outscored 17.50 – 2.80. With the win, my Tacos Al Carbon now have a 49.40-point average margin of victory over the defending champion. Tacos won 199.94 to 190.06 in Week 4.
At this point, Team Furiated should just be happy being mentioned in the same sentence as Laneit’s TNU, because they own Furiated. The evil one got pummeled by Laneit 285.38 to 185.46. Furiated lost their first meeting as well. This week, Jeremy Hill led the way, getting 55.30 points. That’s even higher than Tony Romo, who led all players with 43.48 points the last time these teams met.
It was a poor performance for Team Furiated at WR, where they were outdone by Laneit 44.50 – 12.90. Laneit got 25.00 points from Mark Ingram, who he picked up this week, TNU won 234.46 to 188.62 in Week 4, and now has a 72.88-point average margin of victory over Team Furiated.
The bad news is Friated is still in second place, but I’m hoping that will change soon. I told Laneit Furiated needed a good ass kicking, and Laneit delivered.
What’s more likely to happen: a Browns/Lions Super Bowl or Crusty Jugglers beating casus04?
Neither apparently, as Crusty Jugglers has yet to beat Lacie this season. This time John fell 316.86 to 298.68. This week, Ben Roethlisberger was the reason for the win, picking up a whopping 86.20 points. It was even more than the 67.12 points Andrew Luck got the last time these teams played. This is the closest win for Laice in two head-to-head matchups. She defeated John 231.40 to 175.96 in Week 4.
With the victory, Lacie remains in first place. Things are worse for John who took a beating at QB, as they were outscored 159.36 – 57.98 by Lacie. He also had s had 6 of his starters underperform versus their projections.
Poor John is in the middle of a three game losing streak, and if he doesn’t right the ship soon, he may have to return to selling rubber chickens at State fairs.