Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

Possible spoilers ahead!

“Jupiter Ascending” is a big budget, sci-fi fairy tale about a girl named Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who always dreams of a better life for herself. Jupiter spends her days scrubbing toilets in upscale Chicago suburbs, while her nights are spent dealing with her big Russian immigrant family.Life finally changes for Jupiter when she is attacked by strange alien creatures looking to end her existence.

At the last-minute she’s saved by gene-spliced ex-space soldier, Caine Wise (Channing Tatum). He’s also part dog or a werewolf or something, I think. Anywho, after meeting Caine, Jupiter begins to learn the truth: She’s of royal lineage, and other members of her bloodline (The Abrasax Family) seek to do her harm, so that they may claim control to the coveted planet Earth.

Sounds like it could be a good movie, right?

Sadly, you’d be wrong. “Jupiter Ascending” is one of the most confusing movies I’ve seen in a while. I don’t mean confusing as in the plot was too difficult to understand, it’s not, it’s actually a pretty straight forward story for a Wachowski movie.

What I mean is “Jupiter Ascending” reminded me of many other movies, probably because “Jupiter Ascending” doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be.

For instance: During the first battle over Chicago, all I kept thinking was “That’s where the cops chased the Tumbler in Batman Begins!” Meanwhile, all the outer space cities and creatures look like stuff George Lucas was forced to cut from the Star Wars prequels. And while “Jupiter Ascending” has plenty of action, the bad CGI is very distracting.

Stars Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum are good together and they do have some chemistry. The script however, doesn’t do them any favors. There’s humor in the movie, but it doesn’t really fit some of the stuff going on. At times the humor comes off like cheesy one liners, and not very good ones. And the dramatic scenes lack any whatchamacallit, drama. Oh well, at least Sean Bean was in this movie.

And I can’t forget about actor Eddie Redmayne. Yes, the same Eddie Redmayne who is probably going to win a Best Actor Oscar for “”The Theory of Everything.” Redmayne’s performance is so over-the-top with mannerisms and a Bane-style whisper voice, that its like an SNL skit. I can’t imagine Redmayne. is too happy this performance was released right in the middle of the Oscar race.

As for the directing, it’s exactly what you expect from the Wachowskis these days. After multiple flops, you’d think the siblings  would have learned from their past mistakes. Well, they haven’t, they just keep making the same mistakes just on a bigger scale.

Warner Bros. reportedly gave the Wachowskis a $175 million budget for “Jupiter Ascending.” I don’t know what they spent the money on, but it certainly wasn’t on the screenplay or CGI effects. In the hands of other filmmakers, “Jupiter Ascending” might be a good movie. Sadly, we will never know.

“Jupiter Ascending” final score: 6

GRRR, I really wanted to like this movie!