The Witches (2020) Review

Possible spoilers ahead!

HBO Max’s “The Witches,” is the newest adaptation of Roald Dahl’s 1983 children’s novel. Directed by Robert Zemeckis, the new film stays largely similar to the source material. However, the movie changes the location to 1960s Alabama, where our young unnamed protagonist (played by Jahzir Kadeem Bruno) is sent to live with his grandmother (Octavia Spencer) after his parents were killed in a car accident.

Slowly but surely, the young boy begins enjoying his new life with his grandmother and even gets a pet mouse named Daisy. Things looked bright for the boy until an interaction with a mysterious woman at the grocery store changes his life once again. After telling his grandmother about the scary woman, she explains to him that witches exist, and to get away from the danger she takes him to a fancy seaside hotel managed by Mr. Stringer, (Stanley Tucci).

But the trip ends up being a mistake because the hotel is hosting the yearly witch conference hosted by the Grand High Witch (Anne Hathaway). And this year, the Top witch has a new plan: To turn every child in the world into a mouse so others will exterminate them. It doesn’t take long before the boy and his new friend Bruno (Codie-Lei Eastick) get caught up in the witches’ evil plan.

First off, I haven’t seen the 1990 version of “The Witches,” or read the Roald Dahl book, so everything I know is from the HBO max movie. I should also mention I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie, but the wifey is a fan of the 1990 movie and decided we should watch it together. Anyways, “The Witches” is one whacky movie. There were things I liked and many others that left me scratching my head. Let’s start with the good: Octavia Spences is phenomenal (as usual). She is the heart of the movie from the start when she picks up her grandson at the police station. It’s through her that we navigate this crazy world filled with evil witches.

Also good in the film is Jahzir Kadeem Bruno. He and Octavia Spencer had great chemistry together and I bought into them being grandmother and grandson. I wish the script had given us more of them together and that it had given Bruno a little more to do. As it is, most of his story is told by Chris Rock who narrates the entire movie. Rock voices an older version of the boy, but I wish the movie had shown more of his background and not told us thru narration and slides.

Now we get to the bad stuff in the film, and that sadly includes Anne Hathaway as the Grand High Witch. To be fair though, it wasn’t her performance but the way the character was written that I didn’t like. The main witch is a one-note character, and her only purpose appears to be getting rid of children. Hathaway tries her best by hamming it up, but I never felt like the character went anywhere. Meanwhile, poor Stanley Tucci is only in a handful of scenes and doesn’t get to do anything important. I’ve said it over and over, if you’re gonna hire a big name, give them something to do.

Something else that was bad in “The Witches” was the special effects. The creatures that the kids get turned into look like something I would have created in art school 20 years ago. They’re not believable in any way, and neither is Anne Hathaway’sclaws and bald heads. But based on how good the sets were, my guess is most of the budget went to that instead of the special effects. Finally, there are some scenes in the movie that are terrifying. At one point Anne Hathaway and the witches hold down the main boy and force-feed him the candy that will transform him into a mouse.

The scene involves the boy twitching as if he’s having a seizure while all these women laugh maniacally over him. That was bad enough, but later on, when Bruno (Codie-Lei Eastick) gets turned into a mouse his parents don’t seem to care. At no point did I get the sense that they were looking for him. Even the hotel staff is seen unconcerned when Bruno’s parental leave or Octavia Spencer leaves without his grandson. The movie is rated PG, but if you have kids, you may want to watch it ahead of time, because some of the scenes could be scary for younger kids.

At the end of the day, “The Witches” is a mess of a movie. In a way, I’m glad the movie debuted on HBO max because had I paid to see it in the theater, I would be very pissed off. It’s too bad, because the movie does have a stellar cast, but except for Octavia Spencer, the cast is wasted.

“The Witches” grade: C

I paid to see that: The Core

On a sunny Thursday afternoon in April 2003, Laneit, his girlfriend, and I decided we wanted to see a movie before we picked up our buddy John from work.

The question was which movie to see since our choices were: “Head of State,” “Bringing Down the House,” and “The Core.” Not exactly the Mount Rushmore of films.

After arguing for a while, we decided on the sci-fi flick, “The Core.” It was either that, or watching Chris Rock scream at the camera again. I can’t remember for sure, but I don’t believe any of us knew anything about the plot of “The Core” before we headed to the movies. If we had seen the trailer ahead of time, it certainly did not make an impression of any kind.

For those who have not heard about “The Core,” the plot goes something like this: the Earth’s core has stopped spinning, and in less than a year the planet will lose its electromagnetic shield and we’ll all be toast–fried by solar microwaves.

And in case that’s too hard to understand, the movie makes it easy to follow with dialogue like this: “The Earth’s core has stopped spinning!” and “one plane will fall from the sky, then two, then, in a few month, anything, everything electronic will be fried.”

To make that point clear to a panel of U.S. military men and government officials, Professor Josh Keyes (Aaron Eckhart) of the University of Chicago borrows a can of room freshener, sets the propellant alight with his Bic, and incinerates a peach. I’m not sure the destruction of a peach was necessary, but it did bring out a lot of gasp and “oooohs” from the audience in the theatre.

The look of absolute horror on the faces of the military guys was too much for  Laneit and I, and we did what any normal person would do: we burst out laughing, and it would not be the last time we did so.

I will admit that despite a slew of flaws, “The Core” does have a rather good cast featuring Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank, Delroy Lindo, Stanley Tucci, Tchéky Karyo, Bruce Greenwood and Alfre Woodard.

Each is a specialist in something or other, and are essential for the plot. But I think Derlroy Lindo wins the gold medal because in the movie he invents a new metal named, I am not making this up, Unobtainium.  He also creates a laser thing that can cut through solid rock. Delroy combines  the metal and a laser device into a snaky craft that looks like an expensive plunger named Virgil. 

With a crew, a couple of Delroy’s toys, and a $50 billion check from the United States, the military launches a  probe to the Earth’s core. The team’s mission is to set off a couple of nuclear explosions that (they hope) will restart the core. Assuming they survive the trip of course.

There was even more laughter from Laneit and I when we saw the Earth’s innards were depicted like a Jefferson Airplane video, but we thought it was wonderful that the crew had a windshield so they could see out as they drill through dense matter.

Eventually they reach a depth where the pressure is 800,000 pounds per square inch, but that’s nothing for the special suits they use to walk around outside. I don’t know what their suits are made of, but it must be stronger and more flexible than Unobtainium, perhaps corduroy. Whatever they suits are made of, they should really get them in stores in time for Christmas.

I should note that by this point in the movie Laneit and I were close to peeing pur pants from laughing so much, and the old lady two rows up started to hush us. Then Lanei’t girlfriend told us to keep it down. And we would have to,  but when Aaron Eckhart lost it after his French buddy died.

Quite frankly, this one scene should have won the man an Academy Award. The raw emotion he shows, the sobbing, the screaming, the over acting. All of which made laneit laugh even louder.

Anyways, “The Core” is not good movie, but if you ever need some cheering up, this movie might do the trick. Just make sure you have plenty of Hot Pockets on hand to snack on.

TNU Box Office Preview: Hungry like the wolf

It’s safe to say the odds are definitely in Mockingjay’s favor. “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” will own the box office this weekend, crushing everything its path.

The third entry in the mega successful Hunger Games saga opens at 4,151 theaters this weekend, and it should easily win the top spot at the box office. The film is directed by Francis Lawrence, and stars Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jeffrey Wright, Stanley Tucci and Donald Sutherland.

The first two Hunger Games films had massive opening weekends with the first film making $152.5 million, and the second film, Catching Fire, grossing $158 million. Mockingjay could have a hard time matching Catching Fire, but it should still open well over $130 million.

Hell,  even if the movie opens far below the previous two installments, “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” should still score the biggest opening weekend of 2014.

While first two Hunger Games movies were well received by critics and audiences, critics are nor falling in love with the third film. As of friday morning, Mockingjay – Part 1 has 70 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, well below “The Hunger Games” (84 percent) and “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (89 percent).

Lionsgate shouldn’t worry too much about the critics though, as Mockingjay should easily surpass its $140 million budget in a few days thanks to its built-in hardcore audience. Not to mention that the film stars Jennifer Lawrence, easily one of today’s biggest movie stars.

TNU Box Office Preview: The odds are in J.Law’s favor

This weekend Jennifer Lawrence steps back in to the arena with the sequel to 2012 smash hit The Hunger Games. Everyone knows “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” will easily open at No. 1. The real question is: Can Catching Fire break The Dark Knight Rises‘ $160.9 million record as the best 2-D opening of all time?  Or better yet, can Catching Fire surpass Iron Man 3‘s $174 million opening?

In 2012, “The Hunger Games” exceeded all expectations when it opened to $152.5 million. With strong reviews and good word-of-mouth, the movie held well from there, and ended its run with $691,247,768 million worldwide. Catching Fire brings a more aggressive marketing campaign and an expanded fanbase. These new fans include people who enjoyed the first movie, some who read the books since then, and others who are only there to see Jennifer Lawrence.

All of this leads me to belive Catching Fire will top the original’s $152 million opening, speed past “The Dark Knight Rises” and crush “Iron Man 3” for the best opening of the year. “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”  is opening in 4,163 theatres, and should earn around $180 million this weekend.

Francis Lawrence takes over as director, and from what I’ve heard, he was the right man for the job. Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence returns as Katniss Everdeen along with Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz, Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci, Donald Sutherland. they’re joined by new cast members Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Sam Claflin, Jena Malone, Lynn Cohen, Meta Golding, Amanda Plummer, and Jeffrey Wright.

Vince Vaughn’s “Delivery Man” is opening at 3,036 locations, not that it matters. For one thing, most people are going to see Hunger games this weekend. Plus, a movie about a sperm donor having 533 children isn’t going to appeal to many people. And let’s not forget Vince Vaughn has been struggling at the box office lately. “The Internship” and “The Dilemma” opened to $17.3 million and $17.8 million, respectively, However, I don’t expect “Delivery Man” will get to that level. “Delivery Man” will serve as counterprogramming for Catching Fire, but it won’t get past $12 million.